


dear Nymeria

by forpeaches (bluecarrot)



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Bad Advice, F/M, Fluff, Help Column, Other, Silly, agony aunt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-07
Updated: 2019-11-07
Packaged: 2021-01-24 22:30:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21345817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluecarrot/pseuds/forpeaches
Summary: when in doubt, ask an advice columnist.
Relationships: Jaime Lannister & Brienne of Tarth, Jaime Lannister/Brienne of Tarth, sort of - Relationship
Comments: 26
Kudos: 88





	1. Jaime

**Author's Note:**

> 07 November 2019.

Dear Nymeria:

First, you should know that my family is messed up. Super messed up. My father is a douche, my brother’s a drunk, and my twin sister ... well, she’s never been really nice but lately it seems like she might be edging towards “batshit”.

All I hear from them is that I am a disappointment, a slacker, etc. because I want to do something (literally anything) other than follow Dear Old Dad in the family business.

That’s backstory. Here’s the real issue. 

My sister and I have been in a physical relationship since we were pre-teens. I know everything you’re going to say about this, I’ve said it to myself plenty of times. And I mentioned that she’s pretty fucking crazy, right? She is the definition of Problematic. 

We have kids together (poor decision-making runs in the family), she’s married (obviously not to me), and our relationship is a secret (more or less).

A few months ago I met someone else. She’s perfect. Smart, kind, strong. Zero sense of humor which I’m actually kinda enjoying. Totally not the sort of person I expected to be into, not that I expected to be into anyone at this point in my life — I’ve been faithful to my twin for twenty years now.

Needless to say this was all a complete shock and I feel like a kid with his first crush. I don’t know what to do or who to do it with (or what position). How do I make this perfect angel notice me? How do I make myself worthy of her? I’d cut off a hand to make her fall in love.

She’s not really into dating or men but I can change that.

tl; dr: i (37 y/o M) have been sleeping with my twin sister for decades, met someone new (20 y/o F) & don’t know how to move on.

Please help,

Gold All The Way Down

*

Dear Goldie,

Congratulations! You sound like a decent albeit fucked-up guy. Here’s the decent thing to do: move away from your family, get into some intense therapy, and forget about this new girl who you think is way too good for you (chances are, she is).

New Girl:

Put on your running shoes and head off into the sunset. Gold is pretty but it will only weigh you down.

*

Got more problems? Send yer whining in to me a.girl.has.no.name [at] winteriscoming [dot] com !


	2. Brienne

Nymeria,

Hello. Longtime lurker, firsttime writer.

Here’s the story:

I met the worst man in the world and I might be in love with him.

He talks too much. He is arrogant, rude, and argumentative. He calls me _wench_ instead of using my name.

Physically he is perfect, which is intimidating; and he knows it, which is irritating.

Also, he’s a felon, which is an entirely separate issue. When he told me the story I actually found myself feeling sorry for him, instead of the people whose lives he ruined. 

Nymeria, I’m not like this. I don’t like bad boys, I don’t have a fetish for loudmouths, and I definitely don’t approve of this bad boy loudmouth, in particular.

But every time we’re close to each other he makes my knees weak and the blood fall out of my head, and I want to do stupid things, like kiss him. I really want to kiss him. I want to kiss him a lot.

And the way he looks at me ... I think he might want to kiss me too.

How do I deal?

Sincerely,

If This Is Love I Don’t Want Any Part Of It

*

Dear Angsting,

I feel for you, dear. I do. Love is hell.

But I have to argue with you on one point. You say that you “don’t like bad boys” and you especially don’t like this one (despite him being a perfect physical specimen, the moon of your delight that knows no wane, etc) — I’m sorry to say those two things are contradictory. 

You like him. 

You just don’t like that you like him.

Usually the cure for liking someone is to _learn more about them_. In your case, it’s outlasted a serious criminal record ... 

So my advice is this.

Give in.

You want to kiss him and it seems like he wants to kiss you ... so what are you waiting for?! Kiss him all night long, and kiss him in the morning (if he stuck around). 

You’ll either get off the horny-train or just plain get off. Either way will do you a world of good.

All the luck to you both.

**Author's Note:**

> this is so dumb. i know


End file.
